Before and After

Before and After | Poem About Body Positivity and Self Love

My life used to revolve around these photos,
before and after.

After one week of barre.
After one month of losing weight.
After one year of throwing up every meal.

When an “after” photo didn’t look good,
I spiraled out of control.
⠀⠀
More restriction.
More time in the gym.
More meals I threw up.
⠀⠀
I wish I knew then that it’s a journey,
not just a before and after.

Less stress.
Less social anxiety.
Less need for positive affirmation.

If only I knew then what I know now,
maybe I would have learned to love myself sooner.

More About My Struggle with Eating Disorders and Self Love

I struggled with bulimia for many years. I didn’t understand why my body didn’t like the others girl at school… No matter what I tried, it was never enough. One day I decided that the only way I could “fix” my body was to throw up my meal. The rest was history.

If only I knew at 19 what I know now. Our bodies are on a constant journey. There is no “before” and there is no “after”, there is only a “journey”. These photos used to define me and my worth. I had to have “before” weight loss photo to bash myself with, in order to have the positive affirmation from the “after” weight loss photo.

I would live for the positive affirmations from strangers, from friends, from family. The comments on these photos when I posted to social media telling me how I great I looked and how proud people were of me.

Were they not proud of me before? Did I look bad before?

What they didn’t know is these photos were documenting weight loss, but also a way to track how successful my eating disorder was…

If I could tell 19 year old Casey one thing, it would be to love my body, and love it hard. Treat it with respect and love and forgiveness. Don’t speak negatively in the mirror or value myself less because an after photo didn’t show much change. Love the journey. xo

Eating Disorder Hotlines

If you need help to beat an eating disorder, please don’t be afraid to ask for it. You are enough- and you are worthy.

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